APPALACHIAN MOUNTAIN CLUB • October 4, 2021
My son Benjamin attended the University of Maine–Orono, graduating cum laude in May 2019. Ben loved Katahdin. After his first Katahdin adventure, he called me. “Mom. You gotta hike Katahdin with me. Cathedral up, then Knife Edge.” We agreed to hike Katahdin together in early September after his graduation. We never got the chance. Ben died by suicide in July 2019. Suddenly, it was me who desperately needed to be outside—preferably on a mountain—where I could breathe and find peace. Where I could find Ben. Early September found my husband, Eric, and me, hearts heavy, at the Chimney Pond trailhead preparing to hike Katahdin. When I finally reached Baxter Peak, I broke down sobbing, leaning against the Katahdin sign. I did it, Ben. I’m here. I miss you so much. We sank to the rocks in a sheltered spot and scattered a small tube of ashes into the crevices. Losing Ben taught me that life is fragile and messy; we slip into darkness far too easily. Hiking helped me regain some light. Even in the midst of unimaginable pain, joy and grief can coexist. ~ Carrie Thompson