SUN JOURNAL • June 2, 2024
According to a bulletin I am just now receiving there are “lots of goats” in Livermore Falls. Authorities would not confirm nor deny that the goats are shooting lasers straight out of their eyes and vaporizing innocent civilians. OK, that last part isn’t true, but the rest is. When I read the headline for the first time, I got a “War of the Worlds” vibe and immediately set out to determine how I can best protect myself and my alleged loved ones from this goat invasion. So far, the best I can come up with is to jump up on the roof of my car where the goats can’t reach me. Sign up for my newsletter for further survival tips. ~ Mark LaFlamme